Baby Steps…

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So I guess if I blog, that makes me a… blogger?

When I started this blog I genuinely intended for it to be only for me.  A way to get things out of my head that I would never physically write down in a journal or post on Facebook, whether too lame, too repetitive, or too personal.  While I do my best to let things go (roll with the flow or whatever), every so often I find myself becoming overly emotional about something specific.  It seems that anything might be a trigger, and like many women I have a wealth of emotions at my beck and call.  Sometimes I feel anger, love, annoyance, joy, nostalgia, gratitude, confusion, or pride.  Sometimes all at once (insert sheepish grin here).  I wanted a place to dump whatever emotion I’m feeling… an outlet.   I have absolutely NO hopes that this blog will become lucrative or gain me hundreds of loyal readers.  This blog has always been labeled “public,” but I’ve been pretty confident that no one else is reading it (aside from my loyal mom and hubby fans).  And that’s been fine with me.  I merely wanted to get those emotions out so that I didn’t end up over-dramatizing things in my day-to-day life.

I do have hopes that this outlet will also become a way for my beauties to get to know me a little better, especially after I’m gone.  I love the thought of my girls reading it (in my mind they are snuggled together on the couch wearing fuzzy slippers with some sort of future-computer in their laps) and gaining a greater respect of my love for them.  I want them to know that they are the light of my life – my joy, my pride, and yes, even my tears (happy ones).

Jay was the one who encouraged this venture.  Actually, when I first started doing Frozen Coke Fridays after school with Emily he would tell me that I should start a blog with the same name.  And now he’s nudging me to invite more people into it.  I’m not 100% comfortable putting this out there – aside from him and my mom I’m not really sure that anyone cares what I have to say.  Who has time to read their friend’s blog?  Why is what I have to say any different than what hundreds of other bloggers have to say? Other bloggers – what am I getting into here?  He says I shouldn’t be afraid to “promote myself,” especially with the digital lives so many of us live now.  My good friend Leanette (who runs her blog at http://www.teachme2save.comshameless plug)  has been encouraging me for months to go public with it.  While I haven’t actually let her read it (sorry Leanette), she knew it existed and has patiently listened to my fears and concerns (thanks Leanette).  Because of my work obligations I haven’t been able to write for quite a few months, but when another friend (very excitedly) began her blog earlier this week it was the push I needed to pick back up again.

So, thanks to Jay and Leanette (so you know who to blame if this begins to drive you crazy at any point) I’m going to make the first baby steps and share it.  I’m not planning to post on a schedule – every day, week, month, etc.  I just want to write whenever the mood strikes – so that this remains a dumping ground for the stuff that can’t seem to find another way out of my head.  I’m not ready for everyone to read it yet… I’m still afraid of being a bloggy burden or making anyone feel like I have expectations of them (I won’t even ask you about it, I swear).  If you are one of the (lucky?) recipients of whatever is sent your way, please don’t feel the need to comment.  Really, you don’t even have to read it.  Just the act of sharing it with anyone is a HUGE step of courage for me, and I want to say thank you for being someone I’m willing to take that step with.

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4 thoughts on “Baby Steps…

  1. Laurie says:

    Inviting others in is always a big step… I will always be here if you need a shoulder to cry on, a wall to bounce ideas off of or a place to blow off steam. I love you no matter what is going on, You are so very special to me. And I think others will understand you a bit better through this blog as well.

  2. Susie Wilson says:

    Thanks Mom. I actually didn’t realize I had already published this – I was still planning to tweak it a bit! Now for the hard part… actually inviting someone else to read it besides you & Jay. LOLOL

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