When I woke up this morning, I was unhappy. Not just a little sad or out of it, but really glum. I was ready to hitch a ride with the garbage truck and take up permanent residence where it would later unload its treasures. I didn’t want to be a mom. I didn’t want to be a wife. I didn’t want to clean my house. I didn’t want to brush my teeth. I seriously had zero motivation to do anything. I was in a major funk.
Of course, I got up. And I was a wife, a mother, and a house cleaner (I did rebel against brushing my teeth, but only until about 10a). But I wasn’t happy about doing any of it. For whatever reason, I was feeling completely empty inside – devoid of any connections to people or even things (as in Facebooking on my laptop or lying on the couch). And I hadn’t the slightest idea how to pull out of it. Until I bought the curtains.
Aaaaaaaah. The curtains. The most gorgeous things I have laid eyes on since I last looked at my beauties. I stumbled across them earlier this week at Target after seeing a similar style at a friend’s house and I hadn’t been able to get them out of my head since. Grommeted at the top, the perfect shade of blue, interesting texture, and just the right length. I’ve never EVER been moved by curtains before, so I knew this was meant to be. In the 11 years we’ve been married we have never owned curtains. I think the closest we’ve ever come to curtains are valances for the girls’ rooms.
Back to the perfect curtains. My new loves. On my way to meet someone this morning I spontaneously decided to stop in Target – and I bought them. I hate buying things without looking for a deal first, but I knew I’d be hard pressed to find something that struck me as much as these curtains. So I went for it. I shed a tear at the register as I handed over the credit card, but I walked out a happier wife, momma, house-cleaner, and tooth-brusher.
I’ll break down the process of how they went up another time, but the important thing right now is what that impulsive purchase did for me. I felt empowered as I hung those curtains, despite the difficulties that arose during the process. As the project progressed I felt my dismal attitude melt away. And I realized that it wasn’t the curtains that had brought me joy again, it was the act of doing something for myself. I’d wanted to hang curtains since we’d moved here 8 years ago, but something else was always more important. So I’d let it go and not think about it.
But today I did it. I went for it without giving it too much thought. Well, maybe a little thought – I had a mild panic attack and freaked out to Jay that I wasn’t happy I didn’t find a better deal (maybe I could save money by making my own curtain rod?) and that it looked to be way more complicated than just hanging them up. He was sweet and supportive and encouraging. So I put on my big-girl panties and hung those perfect curtains. I did something just for me.
And I’m pretty sure tomorrow morning I’m going to wake up much happier because of it.