Girls, I love being your mom. ❤
I’m just not always sure I’m doing it right.
See, when you’re a mom you are constantly bombarded with decisions. It starts when you find out you’re pregnant and you realize you are about to spend the rest of your life making choices – choices that have the potential to impact the way your new little baby’s life will turn out. Breastfeed or formula feed? Cloth or disposable diapers? Jarred baby food or pureed at home? As a mom you can see the pros and cons of either choice all too easily. And so you agonize over which choice is best for your baby. Some moms go in with a solid plan, knowing exactly what they want to do… and then find out that it’s just not going to work the way they wanted. And then they agonize too. Agonizing comes with the job.
It’s like that being a mom. The list of choices you have to make never ends. So you weigh the options, discuss with everyone around you to get their opinions, and eventually – perhaps even reluctantly – make choices. Many times the choices are potentially big – which schools to send your kids to, which friends they are allowed to hang out with. Those are the hard ones… the ones that are most likely to upset your children. They are also the choices a mom will sweat over for years, not knowing if she made the right decision until her children are grown and she sees the outcome.
Our pastor recently asked what we are most tempted to worry about when it comes to our children. My answer was this:
“That they will be confident being who God made them to be, and not succumb to the world’s desires for them to be “ideal,” whether it be their physical image, their faith, or their personality. I want them to always know that they can lean on God, my husband, and me and never feel alone in the world.”
This is what I’ve thought about more than anything else since I became a mother. There is no way of guaranteeing that anything I do will actually work. I have no idea if the choices I’m making are the right ones; if they are, in fact, molding you each to be that kind of woman that I pray you’ll be: confident, loved, and trusting in God.
Trying to live by example is hard. I’m flawed, and I want you to see me work through those flaws. But when I allow you to see them, am I teaching you the realities of sin and humanity or am I demonstrating behavior that you will find acceptable and justifiable? I work hard to stay in shape, but are you learning how important it is to care for your health or are you learning that you can only be okay with your body if you’re fighting to avoid weight gain? And later, when you’re older, if I tell you about my experiences in dating will it give you useful insight into your own relationships or will you feel like it’s permission to make the same mistakes I made? I can present everything to you the right way, but I have no control over how you choose to interpret it.
I guess what it all boils down to for me is that you know, without a doubt in your minds, that you are loved. Choices will be made for you, and they might not always be the right ones. I can guarantee that you most certainly won’t always like them. I don’t care about that. I care that you know I love you, and that the choices I’ve made as you’ve grown are all a result of that love.
I’ll continue to make tough choices for you as you grow. I’ll also teach you how to make tough choices of your own. It won’t be easy, but I’m okay with it.
Because I just love being your mom.
And for what it’s worth, I’m incredibly proud of the girls you are growing up to be. ❤